Raising Good Kids

Recently, I had an unfortunate professional interaction which left me scratching my head as to how the man I was talking with made it this far in life with the awful people skills he possessed. And its not as though he was 20 and in college, with youth and naivety to blame. No, this man is from the Boomer generation, and has a job where he is constantly interacting with people. Perhaps he got where he is by being a shrewd businessman, or maybe he knew all the right people at all the right times. It could be that he has just seen enough life that it has jaded him, but I think more likely he simply never knew any better, and no one's called him on it in a long time.

At really all came to a head when he attempted to deliver an apology. It went something like this:

Summertime Shouldn't be Bored Time

It happened today.

My daughter was lounging on the porch with her neighbor friend. I walked past her, getting ready for some yard work.

Me: Whatcha doin?

Nat: Nothing, we're bored.

Me: Huh, why don't you girls write some poems.

Friend: Why would we do that? Writing is school work.

Nat: yea Dad, I don't want to write. That's what school is for.

Me: Oh come on, don't tell me you guys couldn't think up a good poem? Like this.

"There once was a girl from South Bend, who sat on the porch with her friend. She pouted and whined, and wasted her time, unaware that soon summer would end."

Nat: DAD!

Me: What, coming up with a poem isn't hard when you have good source material.


I then got the eye roll to end all eye rolls. I walked away to get back to my work, and left her there to obviously talk with her friend about what an embarrassing dad she had.


This doesn't have to be the end of the story. I actually have a list posted on my fridge for those kinds of moments, and am usually able to find something to catch their attention. The list ranges from drawing a flip book, to blowing bubbles. From building a ramp to drive Hot Wheels® over to hosting a tea party. I might have to go through a couple ideas to find one that sticks, but it's never failed me yet.

Today however, I let her activity be shaking her head at her nerd of a dad.

Taken for a Ride

This post is about scams.

No, I was not scammed, but I was taken on a ridealong. This serves as my warning. A public service announcement, if you will.


This past Memorial Day, as we were enjoying lunch with my parents, they got a call from Publisher's Clearing House! Mom answered the phone and quickly passed it off to Dad for him to tell the person on the other line they weren't interested in whatever he was trying to sell. But after years of sending in those postcards with the scratch-offs and stickers, Dad was excited at the prospect of a $750,000 prize. He listened to the pitch, reluctant to believe it, but wanting to be convinced it was legit.

The guy on the phone told him there was a driver about 45 minutes from his house with a certified check, and needed Dad to confirm he was himself by fulfilling a task at the service desk at Wal-Mart, keeping him on the line the entire time. Once there the scammer instructed him to purchase a "Green-Dot Moneypak Paper Card" for $500. If you're not familiar with the Green-Dot card, it basically works like a prepaid debit card. You buy it with cash, and then can use the 14 digit scratch-off number from the back of the card to pay for things online. They can be used for things like reloading a Pay-Pal account, or to pay phone or utility bills.

Wanting to be a sounding board for him (and secretly hoping it was legit myself, cause I know my dad is a very generous man and would share the wealth) I volunteered to ride along as he drove to the store, not knowing he would be asked to lay down his hard earned money. Once there, we explained the request to our customer service desk worker who voiced her concern about the affair and advised he not make the purchase.

But that payday was ever so enticing. And the man was still on the phone. This guy was a smooth talker as he just kept on working it. Saying it was imperative Dad keep his winnings confidential until the prize check was awarded and that the driver could not come to his door until he had that 14 digit claim code in hand. He suggested he go to his ATM and get cash, then go to a different store to purchase the card. The upside was just too good. $750,000 was on the line. Seven Hundred and Fifty Thousand dollars. Three quarters of a million bucks. Through this, we knew all it could take to rake it in, even if he bought the card was to never give them the code should they ask for it, until he had cash in hand.

We never did buy the card. the charade had finally gone on long enough, the offer was just too good. And, Google is our friend. One quick search on the PCH site revealed the true nature of the scam, and we were able to walk away. Told the guy finally it wasn't going to work and wished him luck in his future illegal endeavers. See, that Green-Dot card is like cash for a thief. With that number from the back, he or his associates can transfer that $500 to another debit card before Dad would be able to even get anywhere to do it himself. We never got to the point where he was asked for the number, but its clear that it was the endgame.

So, how do you protect yourself or your parents or your kids from scams like this? The MoneyPak card has a warning on the back of it to treat it like money and state they are not responsible for any money you may lose. First thing to do is remember that your money is your money, and you should never have to spend money to win money. That is not a sweepstakes, its called gambling. The rest I think is best expressed in a monologue from the made-for-tv movie... ah, who am I kidding, lets do a list.

1. Never give out any personal information over the phone or online. A legit business will never ask you to confirm your password or account number.

2. .....

Nope, that pretty much sums it up. Never give out your personal information to anyone, especially if you did not initiate the conversation. Think about your finances and how hard you've worked to keep them above water, how hard you've worked to earn your money, how much your family depends on you to make smart decisions about your wealth. Think about your retirement, or your grandkids upcoming birthday. These are the things that matter, not the $750,000 you could have won at random. Don't be played the fool. You'll feel less the fool for missing out on a potential prizefall than you will for getting taken for a ride.

Best Friends

Recently, through a conference with his speech therapist, I found out my son likes me. I had a pretty good idea beforehand, but when his "teacher" relayed a conversation they had in which he said "I know my dad so well, it's like we're best friends!" I knew for certain. And why shouldn't he? After all, I'm his primary caregiver in the morning. I ride bikes and play ball with him. I cut his sandwiches in special shapes on occasion. I have even been spotted wearing a cape as we zoom around our little cul-de-sac saving the city from vicious invaders. So, I'm glad he likes me.

But this can't last.

I want to be his friend until the end of my days, but I know that the days of being his best friend are numbered. He will get older. He will make friends at school who know all the names of the Skylanders characters. He will listen to whatever hipster music men of my generation just don't get. He will have a camp out with his buddies from boy scouts. He will have a first crush, a first love and a first kiss. And somewhere along the way, he will have moved on from me.

But I hope he knows me even better by that point. I need him to know not only what I like, but what I don't like. Its my job to make sure he knows how I trust him, what I expect of him, where to make a stand. (This goes for my daughter as well.) My job as parent is to prepare them for life. That doesn't happen as their best friend. That comes by teaching life skills so that when they no longer count me as their best friend, they can handle the new relationships they build and feel confident making their own decisions. If I do my job, I can trust them with those new relationships, and they can have the freedom every child wants. While I know they most likely will not tell me everything as they get older. I want them to know by the relationship I build with them that they can.

And so, in the time I have left as my son's best friend, I will continue to build Lego cities with him, and talk about death when it is needed, and point out when I see things that disappoint me. I will teach him how to build a sandbox and how to treat a girl and how to spike his hair just right. For my daughter, I will show her what to expect in a gentleman when *gulp* she begins to date. I will listen as she sings me songs or reads a story she wrote herself. I will encourage her to be strong and confident in herself and I will teach her modesty in her dress. I will wear a crown as we have high tea, and I will listen whenever she wants to talk.


I am their best friend, and I am their Dad, and while I will forever be their Dad, my time as their best friend is limited, so I will make the most of the time they give me.

Stuff my kids say

As parents, we hear lots of sounds coming from little mouths. Like the old Art Linkletter show "Kids Say the Darndest Things", sometimes the sounds we hear are worth documenting, and sometimes those sounds require the control of a Royal Palace guard to keep from cracking up right in their faces.

The other morning, after running my morning routine of getting Natalie up and out the door for school after only 5 hours sleep myself, Godzilla turns to me and asks "Why are you always so lazy?" Let me tell you, the fire that burned in my eyes when he said it must have been evident, but I had to control myself. Obviously he doesn't see the work I do. Sacrificing sleep, feeding, clothing, cleaning, repairing, entertaining, teaching, ferrying, etc. and perhaps, the problem with his perception of what I do lies in how I present it to him.

As I've said, sometimes they teach us a thing or two.

I took the time that day to show him what I fill my day with, and included him in a lot of it. It took most of the day for him to stop accusing me of being lazy, but every day since, we've experienced a little less lazy, and a little more conversation. A little more interaction, and a little more cooperation.